February 9, 2010

Naughty Netflix: I Love You Too

(Think that you can't rent movies at Netflix that contain legitimately explicit sexuality? Think again, my frustrated friend! In this special essay series, I look at a total of thirty mainstream films made over the last forty years, all of which contain scenes of such actual graphic sex acts as fellatio and penetration, reviewing them not in only in terms of the movie's quality itself but also the amount of sex it portrays, and whether this sex is any fun or not to actually watch. For more about how these movies were chosen, as well as the full list of all thirty titles, you can click here; and don't forget, these reviews are also mixed into the master list of all movies reviewed here, over at CCLaP's main movie page.)

I Love You Too

Today's movie: I Love You Too, 2001 (Amazon | IMDB | Netflix | Wikipedia)

The story in a nutshell: As is typical for a European straight-to-video erotic thriller by a middle-aged white dude, the plot of I Love You Too is fairly straightforward, if not a tad misogynistic: it's the story of a sweetly innocent young man who is seduced by the sexual charms of a completely batsh-t insane woman, getting dragged deeper and deeper into her dysfunctional web until nearly every aspect of his life is ruined. Yeah, funny how many European erotic thrillers by middle-aged white dudes share this storyline, isn't it?

(CAUTION: The fan-edited clip reel above will be a little too racy for some work environments.)

What I thought: Ugh. This unfortunately turned out to be the exact kind of cheesy softcore hotel-adult-channel pornography I'm expressly trying to avoid with this "Naughty Netflix" series, all the way down to the main hero who's supposed to be a fresh-faced 22-year-old virgin, but who in reality looks exactly like the washed-up 35-year-old soap-opera veteran the actor actually was when this film was made. It just proves once again that you can't always rely on the consensus judgement at places like Netflix or the IMDB to give you a fair and accurate estimate of a film's quality.

What makes it an explicit movie? Almost nothing; except for a few fleeting shots of genitalia, everything else seen here is the same extreme-T&A stuff seen on Cinemax in the middle of the night.

Is the sex actually fun to watch? I suppose if you're a 14-year-old boy, or a grown man who still beats off to "Victoria's Secret" catalogs, then perhaps. The rest of you will unfortunately be laughing through the majority of the sex scenes instead of getting turned on.

Worth your time? No. Oh, noooooo.

Filed by Jason Pettus at 8:28 AM, February 9, 2010. Filed under: Movies | Reviews |