July 2, 2010

Justify My Netflix: Crazy Heart

(Like many Netflix customers, I too can get quite lax with the timely watching and returning of my movies, which of course defeats the entire purpose of having a flat-rate rental plan in the first place. To combat that, I am now writing standardized mini-reviews of each and every movie I end up watching through Netflix, both instantly and on DVD. Don't forget, all previous 'Justify My Netflix' reviews can be found on CCLaP's main movie page.)

Crazy Heart

Today's movie: Crazy Heart, 2009 (Amazon | IMDB | Netflix | Wikipedia)

Why I added it to my queue: Because this was the big hot buzz film of last year's Oscar season, including a Best Actor win for the suddenly-hip-again Jeff Bridges.

The reality: Sigh. It's no secret that the older I get, the more tired I'm getting of the endlessly predictable moves the Hollywood film industry makes year after year, including not only their religious love for sh-tty f-cking 100-million-dollar unwatchable action movies every summer, but their equally religious love for handing out Oscars like candy every winter to an endless series of sh-tty f-cking low-budget subpar character dramas; and in fact, Crazy Heart is unfortunately such a prime example of this, you can literally use it as a checklist for what needs to go into a movie to make it Oscar bait to begin with. Grizzled white-trash antihero as the main part? Check! Played by respected older character actor who Hollywood spent decades ignoring? Check! Fumbling through a hackneyed, go-nowhere script so predictable that you can literally guess beat-for-beat what will be happening next? Check! Said predictable script happening to revolve around our white-trash antihero redeeming himself through the antics of the cutesy child of a single mother? Check! Featuring a hottie thirty-something B-salary actress playing that single mother (Maggie Gyllenhaal in this case) who for some inexplicable reason falls completely in love with a decrepit, hideous old man you can barely stand to even look at? Check! All of it set to a faux-"authentic" soundtrack that allows the Academy to hand out yet another Oscar, and that gives millions of suburban middle-classers an excuse to claim that they too listen to "folksy" music? Check! UGH, what an unwatchable trainwreck this movie turned out to be; and I have to admit, I'm about this close anymore to just giving up on Oscar-bait films altogether, just so I no longer have to deal with crushing disappointments like what Crazy Heart turned out to be. Avoid at all costs, or at least don't come crying to me afterwards.

Strangest piece of trivia: This entire movie was filmed in only 24 days. Gee, really?

Worth your time? Welp, I do reckon that if it's Albuquerque we be talking about then SHUT UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP

Filed by Jason Pettus at 9:12 AM, July 2, 2010. Filed under: Movies | Reviews |